I was too serious. took everything serious b/c if u pay attention, people will tell you exactly what they are going to do in the future before they do it, via patterns in speech + behavior. You can predict it with a gratifying sense of acuracy before they even know what they are going to do or say. I've spent too much time memorizing those patterns, catagorizing their actions, recording the outcomes. I have committed to memory the stats on every person I have ever come across. Every person who I have ever shared a meal. They are not even people anymore. No longer free because I manipulate there very thoughts with my own. I create our enviornment.
Weather or not you choose to belive the likelihood of this person living up to your stats is another thing entirely. You spent all your time predicting the oputcome only to to be scared to death of the what may happen. You end up paralyzed, a victim before your a victim. Standing... gawking...awaiting... anticipating in horror what you think, is about to happen. And when it does, you're riddled with dissapointment, not in the person in Man. I mean Mankind. You see its so much deeper when you turn people in to things. Then they all become the same. They all become weapons. Instruments of torture and now, instead of studing them, you run from them.
The unknown is very uncomfortable for me. Failure lurks in the dark cob-webbed corners of the unknown. Assesing the present and predicting the future so I would be prep'ed for whats to come and feel like I knew what was going to happen stole something from me. Being ready for tomorrow, steals your today. jaja thats beyond serious huh?
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