i actually found an old diary. Hmph. How strange. It only had ten or so pages written during that time when i left. Left everyone behind. Left evrything behind. Left "J" as i used to call him behind and Amanda and everyone in my cell phone's phonebook behind. I Ran to a beach on the other end of the country and i lived alone for ten days. I had no poessions. I had no aquaintences. I was alone and board. Ah. I like board. I can just live when I'm board. Live. Live Life. Such a simple concept. I was inspired and bold. Letting go of everything was exhilerating. Letting go of everyone was intoxicating. I watched people fish on the beach. I watched children play. I spoke to a few people. I ate. I rested. I breathed. I was so free. I was anyone. I was no one. And I was me.
That was some time ago. Years in fact. So many many years ago.
Now I am here. I know everyone. Everything is familiar. Nothing is comforting. Everyone knows me and everyone does not. Here I watch the seasons change while driving from place to place, always late and always racing the clock. Here I watch the people go by only when paused for a moment at a school crossing. Here I never see people fish and I never find myself on the beach. I speak to few. I am known but I remain unknown.I am loved but I remain unloved. I definately eat. I never rest. Im suffocating. I am not free. Here I have everything and I have nothing. I am truely alone. How did this happen? How can you be where you belong and not fit?
"One should count each day a seperate life." - seneca
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